Joke for the day

[sargentrs]

[crazyhorse]

Boudreaux and his beautiful blond girl friend Marie
were speeding along on the Interstate 10, high rise bridge over Whisky Bay when Boudreaux saw the red-light flashing in the rearview mirror .

Boudreaux pulled over as well as he could to the side of the bridge.
The State Trooper walked up to the window with his clipboard in his hand.

He said , "Did you know that you were going 80 miles an hour and the speed limit on this bridge is 60."

Boudreaux looked at the carpet in his Ford truck and said, "Nope. I was going 60."

The Trooper sounded fed up as he looked at his clip board and said,

" I clocked you at 80."
The trooper looked over at Marie who was looking out of the passenger window at the cypress trees in the water.

The Trooper said,

"Mam, I clocked the man at 80.
He said he was going 60.
Now you tell me.
Was he going 60 or 80?"

Marie looks at the officer and said,

"officer I never argue with Boudreaux when he's been drinking."

[chad67]

A preacher is heading out of town to visit a member of his church who is sick. As he is walking, he meets a man who is leading a cow. "Good Morning! Where are you headed this fine day?" the preacher asks. "I'm going to town to sell my cow." he replies. The preacher responds, "you should say 'Lord willing, I'm going to sell my cow." The man angrily says, "Ain't none of the Lord's business! It's my cow!" The two men go on their way. Later that day as the preacher is returning home, he sees the man again. His clothes are torn and bloody and the man is limping. "What happened to you?" the preacher asks. "Two men jumped me, beat me half to death, and stole my cow!" he exclaims. "Goodness! Where are you going, now?" asks the preacher. The man quickly answers, "Lord willing, I'm going home to get some rest!"

[crazyhorse]

Three friends decided to go hunting together.
One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher.
As they were walking, along came a big buck.
The three of them shot simultaneously.
Immediately the buck dropped to the ground and all three rushed up to see how big it actually was.
Upon reaching it they found out that it was dead but had only one bullet hole.
Thus a debate followed concerning whose buck it was.
5 minutes later a game officer came by and asked what the problem was.
The doctor told him their reason for the debate.
The officer told them he would take a look and tell them who shot it.
5 seconds later he said he knew who shot the buck.
He said with much confidence, "The pastor shot the buck!"
They all wondered how he knew that so quickly.
The officer said, "Easy.

The bullet went in one ear and out the other."

[crazyhorse]

Once upon a time, there was a cat that died.
When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth.
She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold black alleys, where there was no food and life was hard.
God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat lay down upon the pillow and was happy.
A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. The earth was no better for them than it was the cat.
They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people.
God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller-skates.
One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she liked heaven.
She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.
The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on,
but even better than the pillow

was the meals on wheels.

[crazyhorse]

An elderly woman walked into the local country church.
The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit," he asked politely?
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that",
the usher said.
"The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.

"Good," he answered.

[crazyhorse]

A married couple were arguing who should make the coffee.

The wife said that in the Bible it says that men should make the coffee.

The husband said, if you can show me in the Bible where it says a man should make the coffee, I will make it for life .

The wife opened the Bible and said:


Right here it is,


"HEBREWS!"

[crazyhorse]

This is a bad April fools joke that actually happened .
How could any one do this ?


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... chool.html

[chad67]

A student did the same thing in my area, put the school into lockdown and hundreds of parents left work and swarmed the school. They should charge them for the labor spent conducting the investigation.

[sargentrs]

You can't fix STUPID.

[crazyhorse]

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven.
He is met by St Peter who goes through the usual questionnaire.

"What sort of accountant are you?" says St Peter

"Public Practitioner," is the reply.

"Name?"

He gives his name.
St Peter goes through some files and pulls one out.

"Oh, yes.
We've been expecting you.
You've reached your allotted span," says St Peter.

"How can that be?" says the accountant.
"I'm too young to go.
I'm only forty eight"

"No, that's impossible."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well we've been looking at your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients.

By our reckoning you're at least ninety three."

[Mancar1]

You guys r on a roll and it's not jelly

[crazyhorse]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The teacher made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE. God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line,
at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child wrote a note,

"Take all the cookies you want.

God is watching the apples"....

[crazyhorse]

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service and she's in tears.


He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary, my dear?"


She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed away last night."


The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"


She says, "That he did, Father."


The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"


She says, "He said, please Mary,


put down that gun..."

[crazyhorse]

A little 5 year old girl came home from her first day at school, climbs up in her father's lap.

Her dad says " how was your day at school?

She says I'm not going back to school any more.

Her dad says," why not" ?

She said, " I don't know how to read or write and they won't let me talk".