ALL PUNS INTENDED

[ToughOldFord]

Here are some real groaners to get your day started..

ALL PUNS INTENDED

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."


3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.


4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."


6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"


7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."


8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning. " "I don't
believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.


9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.


10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.


11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I
couldn't find any.


12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!"


13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.


14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.


15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says, "Dam!"


16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.


17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked
them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer."


18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal."


19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good) .... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns
to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would
make them laugh.


No pun in ten did

[wt4speed#2]

TOF you've been saving those for a while huh. No one could come up with that kinda crap all at once,
Giggled a most #19 brought a real gut laugh. Good stuff

[ToughOldFord]

Credit for these goes to an on-line friend of mine. He sent it to me this morning and it was too good not to share.

[RedneckTexan]

Those are good

[1971ford]

those are good

theres no point in writing with a dull pencil

[kaptnkaos]

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

I about fell outta my chair with this... no bull...

KaptnKA S

[JWW]

Those are good.

[ezernut9mm]

very punny. had to say it.

[bb429power]

isn't number 19 from a song, which one.